I’ve been super stressed about a lot of things in my life over the past few months. Regular stuff, nothing serious (money, career, work, etc…). It’s become sort of overwhelming and my health has gone into this bad autopilot. I walk around mindlessly through work and have been finding myself shoveling non-paleo food into my mouth. I’ve had cookies, bread rolls, yogurt, ice cream, cereal. And it’s not just once. I think the past 2 weeks I’ve had at least one bad thing a DAY. And it’s starting to show. I’m back up to 223 and I don’t LOOK good. It looks like I’m bloated. Now, I’m not GORGING on these foods (that’s pretty much my only saving grace here), but I am falling off the plan. When I’m mindful of my trajectory, I’m good… but every so often I’ll just go through and be like “yeah, fuck it, it’s just this one thing…” and then it happens the next day and the next.
Again, I turn to the blog to out myself on this in the hopes that this will put me in check. I’ve recently heard from one of my readers who has lost 30lbs in 3 months thanks to my blog (well, mainly thanks to themselves doing the plan AND exercising vigorously… actually entirely thanks to them doing that, but they do attribute my blog for giving them that kick in the ass to get going). And here I am, eating fucking cookies and ice cream. Seriously?
And that’s another thing. The working out thing. I don’t know what to do here. I can’t wrap my mind around a solid, CONSISTENT plan for working out. I’m in a rut when it comes to my energy and I think that’s one of the main reasons I’m having problems with my eating. I don’t really know what to do. I wish I could get my mind around ‘the run’ and go run. I’ve gone for ‘runs’ in terms of running a half mile or so to the train here and there, but that’s with my work bag and in my work clothes. What I really want to do is punch things. I wish I had a heavy bag, but there’s two problems with that idea.
1) There is NO place IN my house for that
2) I could put it outside, but it would look kinda trashy to my neighbors AND it wouldn’t be useful when weather is a problem.
I could go to a boxing place, but I don’t have the money to do it right now. So the thing I need to be doing right now is finding a solution to what I can do with what I have. I’m just going to have to start biting the bullet and working out at work during my lunch break. I was ready to do it at one point when work was slowing down, but then 2 of the people on my 6 person team left and the work immediately increased to match.
Bicycling is another thing I love to do, but I don’t have a proper bike. I have my old BMX bike from 1996. It’s great for scooting around, but you can’t really get proper exercise on it. I do keep an eye out for cheap bicycles here and there, but I never find anything that’s reasonably good for short money. I’m not looking for anything special. To be honest, I’m looking for a GOOD piece of shit. What does that mean? Basically I’m looking for a name brand bike (like a Giant or a Specialized or a Trek) with quality parts that won’t break. I don’t need it to be new at all. I would even prefer it to be older because I like CroMoly steel bikes. I like hardtails. I like solid front forks. I grew up riding these and I don’t need any fancy technology. Now, I HAVE a bike like this at my father’s house (my old Giant) but it is in need of serious repair (the wheels are bent badly and the tires are cooked. The gearset is rusted and seized. The seat is destroyed. The headset is rusted (and it’s a quill stem). At this point it’s just a frame. it would cost more to repair it then just buying another bike. I’ve looked at ‘cheap’ bikes too… like Walmart/Target bikes. But the problem with them is that most of them have front suspension… and shitty suspension at that. I’d rather have NO suspension at all then some shitty front shock, but it seems like the only solid bikes that are for sale these days are actually MORE expensive. Eh, that’s enough about that. I’ll keep looking for a bike. I think I could get an hour of bike riding a night done if I found one. I know all the routes I’d take.
I’m not looking for sympathy or anything, I’m a fan of the Bob Newhart method:
I just need someone to tell me to stop it. I need to be reminded that I want to get BETTER, not worse. I need to be reminded that this isn’t over. This isn’t where I want to be. I want to be in BETTER shape.
I don’t want to go through life continuing to be this. I want to be better.
I just turned 32. I’m in the best shape I’ve been in a long time, but I’m not in the best shape I could be. I want my 30s to be the healthiest I’ve ever been. It’s time for me to intervene.