Category Archives: Uncategorized

Running home

So I didn’t go to the gym last week. However I may have neglected to mention that I bought a treadmill for my shoebox sized house. A nice one too. I got 2 days (20 minutes each) in last week and hope to get 3-4 this week. I’m focusing on lower speed but high inclines. It’s a lot easier on my joints and I feel more worked out. I’m also breaking my bike out for commuting again. It’s been warm enough to handle not to mention brighter (I hate riding in the pitch dark). 

Food wise, one cheat meal. Had Mexican last night. Otherwise pretty solid. One night of drinking too. I feel pretty good about that. Wife and I certainly had a good time at least. 

I’m going to keep my YMCA membership and hope to find the energy to get up super early to do weights and more serious stuff as my body allows. Might schedule a food detox of some sort this week too. 

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Accountability 

In one of my first posts on this blog I mentioned that I hoped having this blog would make me accountable for my actions. I’ve been lying to myself a lot since I stopped posting regularly and I’m suffering for it. Today I saw 268 on the scale. That’s almost 50lbs from where I was comfortable. Even when I was 225, I thought I could lose more. Now I look back on 225 and think, “wouldn’t that be nice?”

I’ve been seeing a therapist lately and she wants me to practice mindfulness in life. I think back to the early days of this blog and the idea of “honoring hunger”. That was applied mindfulness. I’m thinking I might start blogging again for both the mindfulness of my health and weight and to continue to keep myself accountable. 

I might end up sounding like a broken record here but I’m not going to pick apart each blog post for being derivative. I’m going to use this blog for myself and if people read and comment: cool. If not, whatever. 

My goal right now is to knock a notch off my belt which is now stretched to capacity. My new “bigger pants” are cutting into me and I really don’t want to have to keep buying bigger and bigger clothes. I’m unhappy with my appearance a lot lately and I’m beating myself up a lot and it’s really making me depressed and feeling unmotivated to get better. I want that to end now. I could keep beating myself up for what I’ve done to myself in the past few years or I could just start looking at the now and the future and just go. 

I’m going to go back and read my blog to see if 2012-2013 me can inspire 2016 me back to where I not only want to be but know that I can be. I’ve done this before. It wasn’t hard. Maybe along my journey into the past of my blog I can find out when I stopped caring about myself. Or maybe I can find the inspiration for why I started it in the first place. 

We’ll see, I guess. Going to work on some mindful eating today and check in again tomorrow to discuss some eating habits that I need to make and break. 

Maybe I’ll restart the fat, semi-naked truth again. 

Wish me luck. Here we go again. 

Closing thoughts on Last Week

This sums it up PERFECTLY.

Yesterday, I went to the moment of silence. Here’s my video.

And for 10+ minutes… we stood there surrounded by thousands, totally silent, listening to nothing. Then the bells came and one particularly vengeful bell played Amazing Grace. That was when I lost it. I could feel the collective breakdown of the thousands in attendance at that point too. Then we slowly dispersed, bells still tolling throughout the city, back to our lives… changed… hopefully for the better.

 

My thoughts on Boston

My wife has a great post that I will simply mirror:

http://mummathehealer.blogspot.com/2013/04/we-were-supposed-to-be-there.html

Suffice to say, the past week has been surreal. I ran a ‘last mile’ with my city. I’m just glad that this is all over for now… I hope I never have to be this close to something so horrible ever again.

I really have no words for this.